What should be our mindset towards the person who continually dishonor you?

What should be our mindset towards the person who continually dishonor you?


In life situation similar to this comes. Getting angry or having bad feelings for that person is a common thing which occurs in us.
But, we should try not to be angry or have bad feelings, though it is quite difficult. We can think it some bad karmas of us has become fruitful.

According to me, in certain situations, it also becomes necessary to show anger too. Otherwise, that person may also take advantage of our Silence. But, the anger should only be fake and we should not have any grudge for that person.

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श्री रत्नकरंड श्रावकाचार जी की वचनिका में प. सदासुख दास जी उत्तम क्षमा के प्रसंग में इस प्रकरण को काफ़ी विस्तार से बताते है। मूल से ही पठनीय है।

Page no. 289-295 ( भावना अधिकार)

I am uploading an excerpt from the same but recommend reading it completely as it will definitely result in some change in our outlook towards such scenarios.

मेरे खयाल से ये बात निश्चय नए की अपेक्षा है। किन्तु व्यव्हार नय की अपेक्षा नहीं।

निश्चय ने से तो चाहे शरीर को काट दो, छेद दो तो भी आत्मा का कोई कुछ नहीं बिगाड़ सकता।

किन्तु अगर व्यव्हार नए से विचार कर तो ऐसा नहीं।
उदहारण के तौर पर पांडवो ने भी तो कौरवो का विरोध किआ था, हिंसा की थी, फिर भी उनमे से 3 उसी भव से मोक्ष गए।
विष्णु कुमार मुनि तो कितनी ऋद्धि के स्वामी थे, क्या वे ये बात नहीं जानते थे की अकम्पनाचार्य आदि मुनि की आत्मा का वो आग कुछ नहीं बिगाड़ सकती? फिर भी उन्होंने स्वमं दीक्षा त्याग कर मुनियो के शरीर की रक्षा की।

इससे मै ये बिलकुल नहीं सिद्ध कर रहा की हिंसा करना उचित है। हिंसा करना पाप ही है, चाहे वो विरोधी हिंसा भी क्यों न हो। किन्तु अविरति को विरोधी हिंसा करने की छूट है।

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As per Jainism -

One should always have “Madhyashtha(equanimity) Bhaav(thought)” in this case. Madhyashtha bhaav implies that one should behave with indifference to these persons. Neither love them nor hate them.

Secondly one should understand that the soul uttering hurtful words, lies and doing dishonor is doing so due to the bad karmic effects of Mohniya Karma. Souls by themselves do not have these bad attributes. Hence one should feel sorry & kindness/compassion towards those that hurt us as the karma that will bind these souls will hurt them more than the hurt they are causing other presently. Pray to God that these souls also acquire the right knowledge and understand their true nature so that they can rise above the hatred for others.

Thirdly but importantly - don’t let your own thoughts become dirty with hate & anger towards the person who does not like you. Understand that one does is not rich/poor, beautiful/ugly, saint/sinner, just because some xyz person has said so. Rather have faith in the fact that you are just a soul & no one can cause you hurt & pain. It is only due to your own attachment and delusion that you feel hurt when someone throws stones at you and feel happy when someone praises you.

Fourth, maybe one can also try to self-reflect and see introspectively whether such bad qualities that the other person says to exist in us are actually present or not. Our critics and enemies are our biggest benefactors as well. They make us a better person. If there is indeed some shortcoming in our behavior then we can definitely work upon that and improve it.

Example from our sacred books -

Kamath’s soul kept hurting Lord Parsvnath’s jeev in every alternate life out of envy, revenge and spite. Yet the Lord only had forgiveness for him in return. Why? Because the lord knew that kamath’s actions are only going to pave the way for sadness and suffering. And indeed that is what actually happened. Kamath had to go to be reborn in lower hell(5th, 6th and 7th) and live there for almost uncountable years.

When we don’t forgive people for their crimes then we give them an invisible power over us. Suppose someone gave you a hot rod and asked you to keep hold of that. Would you do it? Of course not. Why? Because it will only hurt you. This is just a yukti to make you understand that the rod is the hurtful words that is said by another person and the person holding the rod is you. Let it go! It will only free you from your own suffering. Forgive just so that your own goodwill and peace can prevail.

Lastly, worldly wisdom dictates that one should not stay in company of those persons where self-respect(aatma-sammaan) is not given. That means one should leave such sangati(company) where self-respect(dignity) is not provided by people whether they be friends or not.